Holding Space: A Guide for Gentle Support

When someone we love is hurting, our instinct is often to fix, to offer advice, and to try to ease the discomfort, both theirs and ours. But sometimes, what they need most isn’t fixing. It’s holding. Witnessing. Being with.

They need space. Not the kind you walk away from, but the kind you stay in, without trying to rearrange the furniture. This blog is for partners, parents, friends, colleagues, and those who care deeply and want to do better. It’s a soft guide to holding space in a world that often rushes to fill it.

What Is Holding Space?

To hold space means to:

• Stay present without trying to fix or minimise

• Honour someone’s experience, even when it’s messy or uncomfortable

• Let go of your own need to be the solution

• Trust that pain, when met with compassion, can soften on its own

It’s less about what you do and more about how you be. It’s silence that feels safe. It’s eye contact that says “I’m here.” It’s a soft “I don’t know what to say, but I’m not going anywhere.”

What Holding Space Is Not

It’s not:

• Giving advice unless it’s asked for

• Comparing their pain to your own

• Rushing someone through their healing

• Spiritually bypassing with “everything happens for a reason”

It’s not about being perfect. It’s about being real.

Simple Ways to Hold Space Gently

1. Lead With Curiosity, Not Assumption

Say:

“Would you like me to listen, or help problem-solve?”, “What does support look like for you right now?”

2. Validate Without Adding Pressure

Say:

“That sounds really hard.” “You don’t have to be okay for me to stay.”

3. Regulate Yourself First

If you feel anxious, frustrated, or helpless—it’s okay. But take a breath. Ground yourself. Come back. You can’t hold space for others if you’re drowning in it too.

4. Let Silence Speak

Don’t rush to fill the void. Sometimes, the deepest healing happens when we just sit together in the dark.

Gentle Support in Practice

For someone navigating:

• Trauma: Be consistent. Be patient. Let them lead.

• Mental illness: Learn their language (anxiety, ADHD, depression all look different).

• Grief: Don’t rush the timeline. Offer to do, not just to talk.

• Overwhelm: Break things into tiny, doable pieces. Help bring them back to the now.

And always ask:

“How can I love you best right now?”

To the One Who Wants to Show Up Better

You don’t have to have the right words. You don’t have to be a therapist. You just have to be willing. To slow down. To listen without agenda. To sit beside someone without making their pain about your comfort. That is holding space. That is love and it matters more than you’ll ever know.

Want to support someone you love through trauma, illness, or recovery?

📥 Download our Gentle Support Toolkit

or explore our Coming Home Circles for partners and families.